Jess Goes to China

Restless.

At the end of my time in China, I was very sad to leave, but getting a little excited to go back to the US. I felt ready to see my family and friends, wash my clothes and dry them in a real dryer, have a bowl of cereal with real milk, etc. etc. I had a sneaking suspicion, however, that after a week of being at home, I'd be ready to pack up my things and go back to China.

I was right. It's been about a week since my return home, and the excitement has just about worn off. No offense, America... and no offense, family and friends, but I really, really miss my babies and my New Day family. If I had it my way, I'd be on a plane back to China and would come back and visit home again in another 6 months.

I guess that is one thing I am still learning... that there are seasons for everything and when your time is up you just have to move forward... for now, anyway. I hope I'm able to spend another season of my life in China some day.

starting to process

It's been almost a week since I left China. I have learned SO much there but have been "lazy" about posting/writing about it. I think it's because I don't want to really admit that I'm gone! I have loved being home and have been blessed to see my family and friends, but if I had money for a plane ticket back to China I would be on the plane right now! At the same time, I know God has His perfect timing and that my time there in China (at least this time around...) was up. I am excited to see how He will use my China experiences here in the US.

That being said, I will try my best to be diligent about posting things I've learned. I think I might split it up into different topics instead of writing several long posts. I promise to post some more pictures, too, even if they're unrelated to the topic at hand. I took around 4,000 pictures and so I've got a good supply!

Stay tuned :)

Taken on my laptop (p.s. look at my pretty bulletin board!):

last full day (pictures to come later)

Just a short post. Today was my last full day here. It was wonderful. I did morning and afternoon preschool as usual. At around 4:30 PM, Ganlu went with me to visit Shaun at his foster home. Shaun is doing great. His foster family loves him SO much, and that puts my heart at rest. His foster mom says she'll bring him in the morning tomorrow so I can spend time with him before I go (I leave at 3 PM). I am so grateful for that.

After my visit with Shaun, I rode my bike back to the foster home, and was surprised by 60 people waiting in the backyard! Turns out they had organized a surprise goodbye party! It was a lot of fun. We ate dinner and had cake and chatted a lot. Then we gathered around and several people shared some very kind words and memories. I got some goodbye gifts (which included 2 t-shirts with my favorite baby boys on them -- shaun and judah!) I was overwhelmed (in a good way!) and felt so blessed by my New Day family. They even brought out some of the kids (Robert, Vincent, Ethan) to sing a song and recite a poem. That was really sweet.

After everyone left, I went to put my stuff back into my room and then headed over to the foster home to spend some time with the nannies. We chatted about going home and my family and when I'm coming back. That was a really special time. I have come to really love the nannies and just admire them so much for their love for the children. They are people I will definitely miss!

Now I'm back in my room and am about to start packing up a storm. Please lift me up during my travels. Tomorrow afternoon I fly to Hong Kong to spend the weekend with relatives. I will arrive back in the States on Monday evening! 

See you real soon!

matched.

My buddy Samuel was officially matched with a family today. I'm going to copy an email I sent to some of the past interns when I heard the news:

in the past couple months, samuel has been my little buddy. he has suddenly decided we are inseparable and wants me to hold him and play with him all the time. he is content to just sit on my lap and hug me (super cute). anyway, today after afternoon preschool, we were sitting on the sofa in the playroom and he had his arms around my neck and was just hanging out. ganlu comes in and guess what she tells me... he's been matched! his family is in canada and they got their PA today. i got to tell him that he has a baba and a mama! he was really excited (though i'm not sure he really understands the implications of it...) and wanted to tell his nanny right away! i am so happy that my heart could burst. this sweet boy has been waiting so long and needs to go home! hopefully he'll get prosthetics once he's adopted, too. so now on our website my buddy's got a star next to his name!

This is wonderful, wonderful news. Samuel has a family who knows the Father and who loves him already! It was such an honor to be able to hold this child and tell him he has a mom and dad. He was so excited. What happened right afterward, though, was really hard. Ethan came up to me and asked if he had a family, too. This is silly because he's been matched since April and skypes with his family every week. He skyped with them this morning! So I said, "yes, silly, you do!" I didn't see Robert on the other side of me. He ran up and asked, "What about me? Do I have a family?" Robert's papers are not even submitted by his orphanage yet. He has no chance of being matched until they are submitted. I had to tell him that no, he doesn't have a family yet. This broke my heart. Robert wants a family so badly and always gets SO excited for the other kids when we find out they've been matched. He has such a sweet spirit and I'm lifting him up daily that he will join a forever family soon.

tomorrow

Tomorrow, Shaun leaves to go to his foster family. Please lift me up because I am going to miss this boy so much. I know I'm going to cry, and I'm not a big crier. His foster mom has 2 foster kids now (Cooper is one of them! He's leaving in a couple months to go to his forever family). She is so good with them and I know it will be great for Shaun to have a family environment.

I can tell she loves him so much already. He isn't so sure about her yet, though. He only really wants me to hold him (although he just started getting used to his downstairs nannies and is doing so well with them) so it was hard. His foster mom came for the past 4 days to spend time with him and have him get used to her. He still isn't so sure and whenever he sees me cries for me to take him from her. I've been trying to keep my distance to help him with the transition.

Here's a recent picture of us. I am hiding behind him because I had a huge mosquito bite on my EYE and it looked like i had been punched in the face... and he is upset because his foster mom had just been holding him and he didn't like it one bit. So this is neither of our finest moments but hey, here we are:

Behind us is a half-finished bulletin board i've been working on for the preschool! I finished it today.

Anyway please lift me up and especially lift Shaun up. It will be a tough transition for him but I know he'll eventually be fine and do so well there. He leaves tomorrow afternoon. I am going to ask if I can visit their home next week (maybe the day before I leave China).

1 month.

In exactly 1 month, I will be home. This is crazy to me. How did time go by so quickly? Where did the past 5 months go? How will I ever say goodbye to everyone here that I've grown to love so much?

I've been really bad about blogging and email-updating. I've been spending most of my blogging time/energy over at the ND blog.

Anyway, it's Saturday morning and I'm in a daze. Maybe because I only slept for 4 hours, or maybe because I know I have to start thinking about "the end" soon.

A huge part of me does not want to leave. I do not want to have to pick up each of the children and kiss them goodbye. I really do have a hard enough time leaving them at the end of each day. I don't want to say goodbye to this village, to the friends I've made here. Another part of me just wants to be home. I just want to see my family and I cannot wait for the feeling of going to service at my church and just standing in the presence of my dear brothers and sisters and singing praises to Him together. I miss my friends and I miss Boston and I just miss home. 

I'm asking Him for peace and that I'm able to rest in the truth that His plan is perfect and that I will not be here for even a single day longer or shorter than what He had already ordained.

 

a long day.

Today was a long day. I woke up at 5 AM to get ready and be at the HK airport by 7. Then a bit of a hassle before the flight (gate changes and delays). But finally got back to China and got to ride back to the foster home with Victoria's mom and older sister! They are here and will officially get her tomorrow in her home province. Got back in time to say goodbye to Victoria. It was the hardest moment of my entire time here so far. Everything was fine until I really started to get up and leave. She went limp and kept whimpering for me not to leave. Then she blockaded the door. I told her I loved her and tried to say goodbye several times but she just was not having it. I didn't want to leave either but I knew I had to. I didn't want to drag it on for any longer and make it any harder. After 30 minutes of this, I had to get her nanny to come and help and Victoria just lost it. She literally fell to the floor and screamed and cried and grabbed my pant legs to stop me from leaving. I've seen her cry before (very rarely) but I've never ever seen her hysterical like this. The nanny had to pry her off. I started crying, too and literally had to run out of the foster home. I could hear her screaming and sobbing from way outside. I cried. I love that girl and it's so hard to see her go. I know in my heart it's the best thing for her and she will be just fine once she gets home. But at the same time I will never forget the look on her face before I turned and ran.

Here's a picture of us from last week, and a video I put together for her.

Create your own video slideshow at animoto.com.

Please be thinking of her as she goes through so many changes the next few weeks. Think of her new family and also of all the people she leaves behind here. Everyone loves her so much.

blaaargh

 

This is pretty much how I feel this week. Please lift me up. I want to serve with a good and right attitude.

Graduation - May 16, 2010

Today marks my official graduation from Boston University. In a few hours, I should be in a red cap and gown, walking across a stage. I should be receiving my diploma, shaking some important person's hand. I should be posing for pictures with my parents, my brother, my friends. But instead, I will be here in rural China.

I never really wanted to go to my graduation. I would have gone, for my parent's sake. But I consciously chose to give it up and come to China instead. And now that I can't go, I may be feeling just a twinge of sadness. Part of me feels like I'm missing out on something, some important rite of passage. It's tempting to feel sorry for myself, or even worse-- to feel self-righteous (Look at me! I'm sacrificing my college graduation to serve orphans in China!). But I know in my heart that He brought me here in His own timing. I did not come a day earlier or a day later than He ordained.

And so, happy graduation, seniors. Walk well. Don't trip :)

Goodbye, Anneli

This has been such a long week. Two of my roommates left to go home. Alyssa left on Wednesday to go home to Sweden. Today was the day Anneli left. I cried and it gave me a headache that even a chocolate ice cream bar couldn't cure. I don't really feel like writing too much, but here are some pictures from her last 2 days. Anneli, we miss you already and love you so much.